Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
