The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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