porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
