My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
