I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
