does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
