She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
