He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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