we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
