why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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