Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
