how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
