I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
