i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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