I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I want to fling myself into the sun
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
