So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
