dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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