i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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