bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
