I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
