Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
