Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
