So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
