Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
