M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
