he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
