either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The ass gains better be worth it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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