remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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