is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
