I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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