it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
