if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Pants are for mortals
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
