he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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