So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
