Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
