The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
