And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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