Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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