): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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