I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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