I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
