I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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