Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
