Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize