Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
