Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
