Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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