DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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