can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
