you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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