Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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