i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My feet surprised me
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