My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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